if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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