If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
