good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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