Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
