I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
