Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
