the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
