hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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