you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
