I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Terrible idea I love it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
