yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Green mimosas i think yes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
