Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
