"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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