I molested 6 butterflies tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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