it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
