When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
