No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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