The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
