I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
