He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
