all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
