Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
