I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
