Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
