You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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