help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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