I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
