This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
