I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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