The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
