i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
