you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
