Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
