well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
