Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
