I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
