Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
