All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
