I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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