Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
