Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
