there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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