i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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