How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
