Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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