and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
