Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He passed out mid-signature
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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