I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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