but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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