Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I love having hate sex.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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