We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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