They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
