I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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