so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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