o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
