I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
