i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Never joke about your clitoris.
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