Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK

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(530): View more from California

you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.

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(949): View more from California

My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....

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(360): View more from Washington

True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.

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(312): View more from Illinois

The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.

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