What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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