So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
