He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
