is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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