I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
