I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
