Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
