I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize