Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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