...so i touched it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bring me that man meat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
