I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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