he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
