She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
