HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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