Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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