i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
