So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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