found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
